Happy Holidays everyone

It has been a long road, well more like a roller coaster, the Goliath to be exact, seems to go on and on.

I posted a few back that every time I post it is when someone has passed. First it was Rachel, then my grandpa, then Nathan. Nathan was a boy I met through the blog who reached out to me after reading my post after Rachel passed. He was diagnosed with the same thing as me last November. It was wonderful speaking with him. We would speak about what we were doing, watch, how we felt and comforted each other with our daily struggles. He, however, had been going down slowly and was unable to function normally. He did go on stage and give a speech for our cause at a Relay for Life event. Standing in front of hundreds of people and giving a speech is not something many people want to even attempt. Though his voice was gruff due to the cancer making it hard to enunciate words, he did great.

 It shocked me when his dad texted me to tell me he passed in the night. I still can’t believe he was gone so quick. Last week during Thanksgiving we were speaking about how I was getting some of my symptoms back and how I was going to full on keto, going to 80% fats. Jokily I added I may just melt some butter and start drinking it. He thought it was funny, and decided to call it my own butter beer. That was one of the last times I spoke to him, just a few day prior. As I said I was shocked to hear it happened so fast, one day here the next day gone. I had mentioned that we were each other’s support group and having someone who knew what I was feeling was a relief. As with how I felt after losing Rachel, this hurts as bad.

I miss them both.

I have a list of people in my head who I met through this cancer

Most of them are gone now.

I do believe in a Heaven, I do believe they are watching over their loved ones.

Rachel told me not to worry that everything will be fine.

Update on myself.

I have been on two new chemos: Lomustine and Verinostat. I have only been on one cycle of them but I definitely feel the effects of them. My plat count dropped greatly so the dr. has postponed treatment a week till they get back. The good news is it is doing something. Chemo is a balancing act where you try to make your body as toxic as you can.

on the fun front.

I went on a Disney Cruise with my family, it was one of the best cruises I’ve ever been on …only cruise I’ve ever been on. There was food, activities and shows that kept us going throughout the day. It was fantastic, definitely go if given a chance.

In lieu of thanksgiving a few weeks back I just want to write about how I’m Thankful for the people closest to me hopefully without getting too mushy.

Mom- The one and only, taking care of me when I wasn’t even 0 y/o. you have given me so much love in my 23 years. I have to try to think how you are feeling during this time. It must be incredibly difficult for you as well. I cannot imagine seeing my child in a situation I could not take care of myself. You are an incredible mom, great cook and wonderful figure in my life. I don’t know if I could handle this without your support.

Dad-Firstly thanks for being my primary driver. The road is safer with you at the wheel instead of me. This year has been a challenge for us both. We lost pawpaw and it isn’t how it used to be. I find myself wanting to go back to the spring break of was it 3^rd or 4^th grade having you hit me hundreds of pop flies and catching them. Thank you for being a pillar which I can always rely on to be there.

Jess- Little sister, I can’t believe you are 12 already. I was your age when you were born. Sheesh time flies. I want to hopefully be there for you your next 12 years and see you through adulthood. I got anxious and excited about the things you will do, the people you meet, and who you will become. I want to be there to metaphorically and possibly literally beat up the first boyfriend that breaks your heart. I know dad would have that handled if I can’t so that is comforting, but I would rather do the honor.

Shelby- my loving girlfriend. We were looking at a bunch of our old texts last night, geez how much we have grown. I know you are a great person, stronger than you think. Though we have our struggles, we can push through. Thank you for all your support you have given me this year. Staying with me through this hardship and showing me so much love.