Fly a Little Higher

It seems that every other blog I post is about another person passing away. This one will be extremely hard to write because I have lost two people that the meant more to me than I know how to eloquently explain. My first loss came earlier last month. My Pawpaw passed away July 12, an earlier Sunday morning. He was fighting liver failure for about a month due to some complications with a surgery done years before. The other person was my dear friend Rachel Stratton. For you that don’t know her she was the first person I found who also had my cancer. She finally finished her fight with the cancer on August 23 after three years of battling. She also passed away on a Sunday morning.

Both of these people had major effects on my life and them no longer being on this earth brings me great pain and a heavy heart.

I lost my other pawpaw, pawpaw Hammonds, due to pancreatic cancer when I was a freshmen in high school. I spent once a week during the summer with him during the summers. Being an army brat I lived fairly far away and this week with him was the most I could have.  After he passed I had wished I spent more time. But he taught me a few things in life, my favorite being always try new things. I have internalized that lesson and it has served me well on my adventure.

I learned to cherish my time with my other grandpa from my wish of spending more time with pawpaw Hammonds. Both of these men lived lives that somewhat mirrored the other. Both had successful careers in the Army, both became educators and principles of schools improving the lives of many children. Both had wonderful families and an incredible spouse. Both were Strong men with values and morals which they passed on to their children and their children’s children. They were also both extremely kindhearted, both would give their all to help a stranger in need. The comparisons can go on and on, the main point is these men were amazing role models and the best Grandpa’s I could ask for.

One of my fondest memories of my Pawpaw Cochran was when I was about eleven years old. I was in cub scouts and I needed a few more badges to become a boy scout. We saw one badge in the handbook for going camping, and being from Alabama we thought that was right up our alley. That summer we went down to Pawpaw’s farm and set up camp. We had two trucks holding up a jury-rigged tent and an amazing camp fire. We fished and my dad stayed up most the night shooting at water moccasins. The next morning Pawpaw made the most delicious eggs and bacon over the embers of our fire. It was quality time I wouldn’t trade for the world.

 This would come to be known as the Cochran Camp out and would become an annual event for the whole family. The rest of the family would one-up our two-bit camp site by bringing trailers and building a dock for the lake. I don’t think we ever really knew the term “roughing it” after that, with our a/c and satellite tv. However, the fish fries were delicious.

I will miss being in the living room with both my grandparents watching tv and listening to them yell across the room different things because of my grandma’s bad hearing. It always made me laugh, the old saying “you remind me of an old married couple” rang as clear as a bell when it came to those two.

My Mawmaw said it best at Pawpaw’s funeral. When someone says nothing last forever, she corrected him. She responded, “Love does”. I will always love you Pawpaw and as I told you the last time I saw you, “I’ll see you soon”. Be it a year or 80 years, time no longer affects Pawpaw, and I am sure that I will meet him again.

Pawpaw and I caught the same fish with two hooks. Greedy little fella grabbed my bait and then swam over to pawpaw's and took his too.See that little dirt patch behind the right side of the truck? that was the location for our first camp out.

The other great loss on my heart right now was my dear friend Rachel Stratton. Rachel was diagnosed with DIPG over three years ago. She fought a long fight with grace and courage. If you ask anyone around her, she had a sassiness that had no compare and the ability to make you laugh no matter the situation.

She was an extremely vital person in my own journey with dipg. Once I was diagnosed, I felt alone, no one knew what I was going through quite to the level that I needed. Dipg is extremely rare, and even rarer at my age. Brain cancer is brain cancer, but the symptoms are different, the procedure is different and I needed someone with my issue exactly. I was on a ride home from visiting my Grandparents and telling Pawpaw about my cancer. I was furiously looking for others with this cancer, most of my research gave me results of more children which continuously broke my heart. However, 30 minutes from home I ran across the page prayersforrachel.com about a 19 year old girl who was just about to start her second year after diagnosis. I read all her blog that night from start to finish, her journey thus far. On the last page at the time I commented on the page and tried to reach out and communicate with her, I knew it could have been a long shot but I was so exasperated to find someone else after about a half month of searching.  I also sent her an email with my contact information, later that night I got a text from her. She was extremely sad to hear about my situation but was happy to meet someone else in the same boat. That first night we probably texted for about an hour. I read through them the other night when she passed, seeing how mentally broke down I was and how much she truly helped me. I was under the impression that I would be dead within a few months and here was another girl who has made it a few years and was still kicking. It gave me hope and she eased my extremely troubled mind. We Skype'd a few times and would text regularly. She had me try some pretty nasty holistic medicine which I’m still on the fence about including black seed oil with honey. Stuff taste like mint and chili powder. I still take it from time to time.

Having Rachel gave me the hope and the support I was looking for in my time of need. Only she would have been able to give me that, because no one else had her experiences and her personality. She was truly one of a kind and marched to her own drum. I am forever grateful.

One reason I am doing this blog is because she inspired me with hers. It has been an amazing way to type out how I was feeling and reaching people that may one day need me the same way I needed her. 

Rachel and her family were planning an early Christmas this year, it was planned for the 23rd, however Rachel passed early that morning. Her sister Lauren stated, " I will surely miss her sass, wit, and unhealthy online shopping addiction; but am ecstatic that she received the best early Christmas present she could have asked for." 

These people have played incredible roles in my life and have shaped who I am and how I see the world. I will miss them constantly. Rachel told me to go listen to the song Clouds, by Zach Sobiech. A boy in his last days who turned to music to comfort those around him. The song rang true to me when I was first diagnosed because it made me think of my family, now it has more meaning. I imagine Rachel telling everyone everything is okay, and she will just be “flying a little higher”. I see that for everyone I have loved and lost now, they are just flying “a little” higher. Life is fleeting, live every day and cherish the moments, relish even the tough ones. 

"I can do hard things"

-Rachel Stratton

 “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” 

-Anne Lamott

Clouds by Zach Sobiech-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDC97j6lfyc

 This is a song that played right after clouds.  I just found it and it made me feel all sort of emotions. It is between Zach and his friend Sammy and it is beautiful. 
Fix Me Up by Zach Sobiech and Sammy Brown - A Firm Handshake https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvSYZHmhIAM 

"I can do hard things"

-Rachel Stratton